Frivolous

Last week I had a little health scare that I kept mostly to myself. My kids didn't know, nor many of my friends. One of the first things I did was get my hair done and toes painted. Somehow it felt like if I was falling apart on the inside I shouldn't have to look like it on the outside. The polka dots made me smile for days. I indulged myself by pointing them out to random strangers at the salon and friends at church.

In fact, as I went about my week keeping these things to myself, I indulged a lot. I wondered what people must think of a woman fresh from the salon, with polka-dot toes, leaving her kids to fend for themselves at home while she gets treats. What would I think? It gave me pause.

One bad morning I indulged in too much internet research and was rescued by a good friend who insisted I step away from the computer, get dressed and go to lunch with her. That helped. Another day I was distracted by Relief Society work (have you tried indexing yet?) and helping out a friend. I was grateful to lose myself for a while.

But then came a very bad day involving a small, relatively painless breast biopsy and more emotional upheaval than I anticipated. It was truly awful. As I prepared for my appointment, what came to mind was part of the blessing I received when I was set apart as Relief Society president -- a blessing of health to be able to fulfill my responsibilities. So I paused and considered that.

And although I'd like to say that I immediately felt at peace and went about the day with a quiet reassurance that everything would be all right, I was only calm on the outside. I couldn't stop myself from weighing potential futures. I pushed aside the comfort of those words and continued running mental scenarios in an attempt to prepare for various unknowable outcomes.

By the next day I was closer to accepting whatever the future brought and waited somewhat calmly for the test results. And it turns out I am fine. But what if that were not the case? No amount of polka dots would have comforted me.

In Matthew, the Savior taught, "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. " (Matt. 10:29-31)

I know this to be true. I have had many personal witnesses of God's love for me and seen my life blessed with tender mercies of the Lord. My favorite verse of scripture, also from the New Testament, is this:

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

Next time my heart is troubled I hope to more quickly remember to "trust God and believe in Good-Things-to-Come." I wish the same for you.