Mild-Mannered Manager By Day

Is this the John you know?

The other day I found John and Katie in the kitchen, laughing hysterically. I was going out to dinner with a friend and the two of them had decided to make a pizza. Apparently, they were unimpressed by the amount of pepperoni on their pizza. (It was rather bare at the edges). So John and Kate are cracking each other up with riffs on pepperoni inadequacy and the sort of person who can't place pepperoni properly. At some point in their joint stand-up routine they decided to write a letter to the company. This did not faze me, as John has drafted several letters to restaurants letting them know his opinion of mediocre menu items. It generally results in free stuff. Which, of course, is why he continues. 

As I left for dinner, they had moved to the office. Still laughing, and tremendously pleased with themselves, they informed me that they were writing a letter to the Red Baron. It's not that often I see them being so silly together so I smiled indulgently and didn't really think about what would prompt such hilarity. I figured they were just goofing on "the Red Baron" and the thought of there being an actual pizza-making, goggle-wearing baron to read customers' letters. Silly me.

This afternoon John forwarded their pizza correspondence, along with a request to show Katie the reply. I am sharing it despite the spooky legal warning because I love exposing John's goofier side:

Dear Red Baron, 

My daughter and I really like the picture of you on the front of your pizza box. We like your scarf because it is red, which is one of our favorite colors in the rainbow. Did you get your picture taken while you were flying your plane or standing on the ground? We think on the ground because you don’t have your goggles over your eyes. You have a cool mustache, too. We were wondering about the exceptional pepperoni placement on your Classic Crust Pepperoni Pizza. Is there a machine that performs this task or do humans do this? Finally, the spider on the front of your pizza box was a little scary for us. Was it for Halloween or do you, the Red Baron, have a giant pet spider? What’s her name? Please write us soon. 

Sincerely, John Cliff

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Dear John,

Thank you for your email. The only question that I can truly answer for you is regarding the placement of our pepperoni.  The pepperoni on the pizza is placed by machine.
We ask that you email or call us at 1-800-544-6855, if you have any further questions. Our office hours are from 7 am to 9 pm Central Standard Time, Monday - Friday. We will be happy to help you answer any questions concerning our product.

Sincerely,
Nicholas

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